day 13: boys kissing

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Grandaddy/Keane/Coldplay playlist (see day 11)

12:30pm Ablutions.
1:30pm Work (EB; paper). Drink warm diet Pepsi, eat 1 apple. Google & read saved internet articles, videos: ‘emo boys,’ ‘pansexuality,’ ‘social psychology’.
5:00pm Dinner: grilled vegetable sandwich.
5:30pm Reheat coffee, work. Google/YouTube ‘emo boys kissing.’ Drink tea.
1:30am Go outside, clear icy snow off tops of hedges in backyard.
2:30am Eat 2 pieces toast. Drink tea. Watch 30 min of “Mythbusters.”
3:30pm Google (see topics above).
4:30pm Ablutions.

Notes:
Spent all day looking at boys kissing on the internet. Never thought I’d say this, but it’s getting a bit tedious. Missed the Hidden Cameras concert, but today’s work did go much better than in the last few days. Still, this is the longest story, so from time to time I’d look at the page number and think, that’s all I’ve done in two hours? I wonder if my productivity might have been helped by sleeping & waking really late, embracing the circadian rhythm sleep disorder, as I usually do?

The great melt continues: unnnoticed by anyone, my parents’ hedges drooped right over, 90 degrees, crushing some of their roses & peonies. Also, looking around their garden at night, I realized they unwittingly have this creepy, gothic aesthetic going on. The cherubic white statues with blank eyes go quite well with the gnarled, dead trees.


Not looking forward to trying to decipher my scratchings tomorrow.

day 12: mcdonald's

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? glasses
Music: none

10:00am Ablutions. Reheat coffee, eat 1 orange.
10:45am Breakfast: McDonalds breakfast.
11:00am Work (EB; paper).
12:00pm Nap.
1:00pm Work.
2:00pm Take break. Watch episode “30 Rock.”
2:30am Work.
6:30pm Nap.
8:00pm Dinner: tofu, 2 Peek Freans, 1 orange.
8:30pm Work.
2:30am Sleep.

Notes:
Alas, another weird day. First mistake: didn’t go to bed at all last night. Stupid, because I didn’t really get anything worthwhile done by staying up, and had to nap all day as a result.

Second mistake: the McDonald’s breakfast. At first, coupled with the attractive spectacle of dawn, was like a reward for being up so early for once. McDonalds brought by a parent is the cosiest memory, most pampered feeling I can think of. Also, the childhood regression was fitting while working on 'EB'. Honestly, people: you can go back. Am I not right, numerous friends who’ve returned home?

The irony, of course, was that half an hour later I felt like I was going to die. (FYI: The McGriddle is probably the most evil concoction in the history of fast food.) And that, by the way, is real irony, not the fake kind people sing about.

day 11: grandaddy

Shower? yes
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Grandaddy (Just Like the Fambly Cat), Keane (Under the Iron Sea), Coldplay (X&Y)

12:00pm Ablutions
1:00pm Lunch: turkey sandwich.
2:00pm Internet goofoffery.
3:00pm Reheat coffee, read Lorrie Moore Birds of America (useful to thesis). Work (‘EmoBoys’)—plot edits/notes.
6:30pm Suffer digestive malady.
7:00pm Work. Drink diet pepsi, eat 2 mandarin oranges.
9:30pm Dinner: white rice, beef & green peppers.
10:30pm Work (EB; paper). Read Lorrie Moore Like Life (useful).
1:30am Shower.
2:30am Work.

Notes:
I’m having to go backwards a bit editing this story, which is a drag, but thankfully not as far back to the drawing board as SM. Got the three aforementioned albums together on a shuffling playlist. Incongruous, but created some adolescent, angsty pacing, which helped with this story. I did wish the Coldplay was better, but whatever. Keane supplies the necessary soul-dripping; Grandaddy just good.

The first concert I ever missed was in fact Coldplay (after 'Parachutes') with Grandaddy opening, many years ago. I'd actually gotten the tickets because I wanted to see Grandaddy. Alas, a missed opportunity that ne’er shall come again. Also, more great cat-themed album art.

day 10: mental overload

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: none

11:00am Ablutions.
12:00pm Lunch: Mr. Noodles (beef).
1:00pm Reheat coffee. Work (you guessed it: EN; computer), although with frequent interruptions to surf net.
5:30pm Help shovel icy driveway (one-handed).
6:30pm Reheat coffee, work—again, with frequent breaks.
8:00pm Dinner: chicken-eggplant-tofu-broccoli combination. Long parental conversations.
10:30pm Reheat coffee, “work” but not really; Google skin diseases.
2:30am Ablutions.

Notes:
What happened today? I’m probably reaching my limits of mental concentration, the situation not helped by excessive coffee-drinking. Second edit (paper to computer) of a story I actually like shouldn’t be this hard. May need to deaden myself a little more. On the other hand, starting to feel guilty about lack of human interaction, hence the long conversation with parents. Some talk about possible projects after retirement--pretty cool ideas, as both were previously in media/film/theatre.

Physical pains are creeping in. Twinge in lower back. Rotator cuff really hurt today. Refrained from using it, though (even while shovelling), so hopefully it’ll be all right.

Last but not least, thank you so much for your e-mails & comments :)

day 9: caffeine overload

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Sigur Ros, as before

2:00pm Ablutions.
3:30pm Reheat coffee. Work (EN; computer).
5:30pm Dinner: leftovers.
6:30pm Work (EN; computer).
9:30pm Suffer caffeine overload; take break. Random internet surfing.
11:00pm Work (EN; computer).
1:00am Second dinner(?): avocado sandwich, rice crackers, 2 Peek Freans.
1:30am Work (still EN; computer).
3:30am Sleep.

Notes:
Caffeine overload already?! I’m not usually so wimpy. Probably has to do with low levels of activity. Took breaks to distract from general discomfort of way-overstimulated sympathetic nervous sys. Sigur Ros worked well again. This music can be cranked louder—plenty of emotional evocation without any verbal distraction (cuz of all that Icelandic/Hopelandic).

Meanwhile, this is getting depressing. Missed several social events this week and will have to reschedule 2 upcoming plays. Oh, and I just remembered Hidden Cameras concert on Monday—will I have to miss that too? Have I got some kind of concert curse? Suffered a number of cancelled shows this fall, including Scott Thompson/Magali M./Bob Wiseman, and Demetri Martin. Need I say that I was really, really looking forward to those?

day 8: il divo

Shower? yes
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Sigur Ros (Agaetis Byrun, ( ), Takk)

11:30am Ablutions, shower.
1:30pm Lunch: reheated coffee, turkey sandwich.
2:30pm Work (‘EstherNome’; paper). Eat handful rice crackers. Two 30-min breaks lying down & staring at ceiling. Beverages: coffee, black tea, diet Pepsi.
9:30pm Dinner: chicken-mushroom-veg concoction. Catch end of Il Divo concert on PBS.
11:00pm Work (EN; paper).
1:00am Unwittingly drawn into discussion about Peter Carey memoir.
2:00am Work (EN; paper).
3:30am Screw ablutions. Sleep.

Notes:
Felt exhausted all day, despite caffeine, because I’d only had a few hours sleep. Glad I switched to different story, though; I’m feeling on-track again. Was looking forward to CrWr party at UBC tomorrow night, but now I’m worried about getting caught in the snow out there.

So Il Divo. Oh my god. Where to even begin? I hadn’t actually seen or heard them before. They are the Spice Girls of contemporary “classical.” All right singing in unison or harmony, but surprisingly disappointing solo. And some of the stuff they sing! Seriously, All By Myself? You Raise Me Up? Unbreak My Heart? They each sing in different styles—and contemporary pop is the one genre none of them do. Still, have to admit it was an amusing watch. Even the stream of women coming up to the stage to leave offerings at their feet. If they could just add a few dance moves and a naked Rolling Stone photo-shoot, the legend would be complete.

day 7: loss prevention

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? glasses
Music: Xiu Xiu (La Foret, A Promise)

10:00am Ablutions, reheat coffee.
11.00am Work (‘SuddenMvmt’) by continuing to Google credit card fraud, Loss Prevention, retail theft, etc.
2:00pm Lunch: amounts of chicken, pizza.
3:00pm More research and trying to figure out plot, character. Spent an hour and a half reading Mary Gaitskill Because They Wanted To (autographed “for Katherine”) & Bad Behaviour (useful to thesis).
9:30pm Dinner: see above (unfortunately).
10:00pm Work. Some edits to SM.
3:00am Ablutions.

Notes:
Couldn’t stick with Xiu Xiu once I got off the internet—too distracting. (Incidentally, Fabulous Muscles album—more men should embrace stuffed cats on album covers. What could be better? :)

This has been a really frustrating day and a half. All of this re-researching and plot stuff means that the story has regressed back to first/second draft stage. I’d ordinarily need about a week to turn all this into a halfway decent draft. I think I’ve finally discovered what this story was supposed to be about, which is good, but I honestly don’t know if I have time to fix it. And today’s work felt so unsatisfying! I’m thinking of ditching this for the moment & starting one of the other stories tomorrow.

My snow-shovelling muscles (such as they are) are sore.

day 6: SNOW

It snowed steadily all day. Dad told me to enjoy it because you only get to see a hundred snows, according to some Japanese poet. (always with the esoteric oriental wisdom ;) I shovelled my parents’ driveway for hours, or so it felt. I swear, they have the biggest freaking driveway on the street.

The snow is gorgeous, of course, but sadly always reminds me of a few years ago, when I missed Dr. Peter Loeffler’s funeral at UBC because I was totally snowed in. It also reminds me of being called “Frosty” in grade eight because the snow didn't melt in my hair—that memory is neutral, though.

Spent the rest of the day watching Mr.Show and researching “Loss Prevention” (for ‘SuddenMvmnt’). I’m pretty sure another shovelling will be necessary in the morning.

day 5: stranger than fiction

Tutored small child in the morning. Napped and took the day off—nowhere near the computer. Enough said. Still didn’t leave the house, though.

Tried to explain Stranger Than Fiction to someone. I saw this last week. It was funny, right? Just couldn’t figure out what point it was making about writing & writers. Emma Thompson as blocked writer (hounded by publisher even after 10 years of nothing?)—are we supposed to look down on her methods or not? At first she’s clearly the fool to spend her time imagining deaths instead of writing, and yet her perfect idea comes ‘without method.’

And the whole idea of killing off the main character, who is a real person.…Can’t help but think of the old “kill your babies” adage. I’ve always hated hearing that expression in workshops because of the way people often flung it out with this cavalier attitude, as if to say we must kill the things we love in order to prove our hardness to our peers. Come on. If we’re talking about flexibility, not letting things become so precious we won't change them even when they’re not working, then yes, of course. Obviously, a critical eye is crucial. But you can’t always equate passion with clouded judgement, either. It seems like Stranger Than Fiction ennobles the willingness to sacrifice the baby (or be sacrificed) and the preservation of the baby at the expense of art, both at the same time. Or am I reading too much into this?

day 4: something to talk about

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? glasses
Music: My Morning Jacket (It Still Moves/Z); Grizzly Bear (Horn of Plenty/Yellow House)

11:00am Ablutions, reheat coffee.
12:00pm Work ('WaterJackhammer'; paper).
2:00pm Work (WJ; computer).
3:45pm Lunch: cold Chinese take-out, 1 Timbit, half of cookie, 1 rice cracker. Watch 20 min of Bottle Rocket. Reheat coffee. Discover soy milk has curdled; reheat new coffee.
4:45pm Work ('Darkroom'; paper). Eat 1 mandarin orange.
9:00pm Work (D; computer). Eat second mandarin orange. Re-read Lorrie Moore Self-Help for 30 min (useful to thesis). Spend 1 hour on last paragraph, last line.
1:45am Ablutions.

Notes:
Neo-Citron as soporific either doesn't work at all or works too well. Boob-squashing properties of sports bra are painful (yes, obviously). This is the most fashionable article of clothing I have on these days. People who know me understand how sad that is. (People who know me understand that comment was aslo mitigated with a snort of laughter.)

Having missed the excellent David Cross & Jon Benjamin at Bumbershoot continues to bother me. Laughed until I cried yesterday at video of them dance-raping poor audience member while singing "Something to Talk About." Why is is this so funny? It is perfect, it's like performance art.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7AkiQirNfU

day 3: avoid computer boggle

Shower? yes
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Final Fantasy (live, various)

10:00am Ablutions, reheat coffee, talk to mom.
11:00am Distracted by Youtube search for David Cross.
12:30pm Work ('ShoesLitUp'; paper). Eat 1 mandarin orange.
2:00pm Take break: pace, check e-mail, reheat coffee. Eat 1 Ferrero Rocher. Watch 10 min of Babe on TV.
2:20pm Work (SLU; paper). Eat second mandarin orange. Work (SLU; computer). Eat 2 peanuts.
8:00pm Dinner: Chinese take-out, bowl of cereal.
9:00pm Shower. Have conversations through bathroom door.
9:30pm Listen to Shostakovich concert on CBC. Re-watch Youtube videos.
12:00am Ablutions. Drink Neo-Citron. Play computer boggle for hours.

Notes:
At some point in the day my hair went from insane to awesome. There’s something to be said for just letting things go. I realize the irony of wearing a sports bra to sit on my ass all day, but it makes my shoulders feel better.

Has been squalling for days, so the reservoirs are filthy. People in Van are supposed to have a week's worth of boiled water. See Erin&Steve, you made it out just in time, didn't you? All I can say is, when people fight over bottled water at Costco, nobody wins. Bill Richardson got tongue-tied on the radio & said "This is what happens when you drink the water." Nobody laughed.

day 2: cold KD tastes better

Shower? no
Glasses/Contacts? contacts
Music: Beck (Sea Change)

1:00pm Ablutions, reheat coffee.
2:00pm Suffer digestive malady, get distracted skimming Peter Carey Wrong About Japan (not useful to thesis).
3:00pm Reheat coffee, work ('Flood'&'Nature'; paper). Pause to Google swimming, channel-swimming, knee injuries. Eat 1 ginger molasses cookie.
6:30pm Dinner: Kraft Dinner. Watch ten minutes of Food Network sugar/ice sculpting competition.
8:00pm Work (NC; computer). Re-Google knee injury forgotten since dinner. Switch to sports bra. Spend half-hour trying to re-title story.
2:00am Eat cold Kraft Dinner
2:15am ablutions, sleep

Notes:
My thesis is a collection of 8 short stories (referred to by initials) which are at the third-draft editing stage, although some require more work than others. Obviously, I'd prioritized my time then this 2-week marathon wouldn't be necessary, but that's neither here nor there.

Marathon-writing is an exercise in subsistence. It's only mental fires burning, after all. Food makes you logy. Music can be played if it's on low or usefully evocative for the story. Any other sound (ie crinkling paper, people chewing, even breathing, sometimes) is an unbearable distraction. It takes a lot of concentration to keep the wheels a-turning. Caffeine is great, but I'm not allowing myself to brew any coffee this time; I was up to a carafe a day last marathon and ended up with heart palpitations. And my dad told me (after the palpitations, mind) that was exactly how he'd gotten his ulcer, while working on his thesis.

TWO WEEKS: countdown

My friends: I know some of you wonder why I always stay up and sleep in so late, what the hell it is I do when I say I'm 'working', what a creative writing thesis actually is, why it's so hard for me to pick up a goddamn phone or return an e-mail once in a while, and why I look so rough when you do see me.

Or maybe, my fellow writing friends, you've been through the wars--or will be soon--and you're interested to know how similar or dissimilar your own style of insular, marathon-writing is to other writers'? Perhaps you'd like to compare notes: what music do we leave on low, if any; how much human contact do we allow; what do we eat?

Well, you're in luck. My creative writing MFA thesis is due to my advisor in two weeks, exactly. Yes, I will be shut away the entire time. I'll be keeping a rough journal of sorts with the details (external, only) of my sedentary days. This is an experiment for the curious.